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Cotton collie

Mother’s day will be hard this year.

I lost my baby and my mom within a month of each other. 

it hurts.

Source: reinderpgames

They really do

Bwhahahaha

paperbeatsscissors:

Rejected Mario Outfits #5

Does it look like I spent a lot of time on the mushroom? Because I did. I really, really did.

(via geeksngamers)

😞

mom….

You’re gone now. I’m so sorry. I wish life could have been great for you. I hope you are finally at peace. But my heart is broken. 

Love you…

Mom:

You’ll never read this I’m sure, but as I type you are laying in a hospital bed literally fighting for your life. You are only 48 years old and this shouldn’t be happening. 

We haven’t had the best relationship but I know that you loved me. I’m sorry things had to end up this way and I’m sorry you had such a bad life that you didn’t know how to be a person let alone a mom. But I am okay, and doing well. 

At the moment I am sad, angry, confused…everything. I can’t imagine how you feel now facing eternity. 

I am sad because you are my mom and you gave me life. My life has not been easy (but compared to others it seemingly was). I never felt like I was good enough to you, I could never make you happy like the pills and alcohol could. But we really know all that did was mask the unhappiness inside you. It was no way to live a life, but it’s how you lived yours and you made your choices. I’m sorry about the things that happened to you as a child, I wish it could have been different and maybe you would have been a different person. No one deserves to live their life tortured by the past, and I wish you had not done this. 

I’m mad because you were destroying yourself and now it has all caught up with you. I’m mad because I can’t have a mom that grows old. I’m mad because my kids won’t have a grandma on my side of the family. I’m mad because I am the only part of you left and I have to go through this alone and too soon. I’m mad because when you moved to tennessee you called me and told me I was a bad daughter eventhough you were the one who left me, and called to tell me to give you all the money back you’ve ever spent on me. I guess If i couldn’t reciprocate love back to you in a manner you understood you would take back the money (love) that you gave me through my life. I’m sorry that you didn’t know that true love was not buying someone off. I wish someone would have loved you differently than that in your life so you would have known. 
I tried to help you and make you see that the way you were living your life, was no way to live a life. It didn’t work. You couldn’t (or wouldn’t) let go of the things that were destroying you. I wish it could have been different.

I wish that when I was little you would have listened to people when they told you not to tell me to go away i was bothering you because you can’t take that time back. I still remember. I wish I didnt.

I wish that when I asked you to stop smoking you wouldn’t have told me that you had to smoke because I got on your nerves so much. Also, something I wish I didn’t remember.

I wish that when I started to play the piano you would have nurtured that in me instead of selling the piano because I got on your nerves playing it. 

I wish you wouldn’t have told me how irresponsible I was when I was the true responsible one.

I wish you wouldn’t have gotten out of church and started on a road of drinking and destruction that has lead you here now. You taught me how not to live my life.

I wish most of all we didn’t have to lose contact for those 5 years. But I could not take anymore. I am a person too and My feelings and self esteem had been damaged by you for too long.

I wish that when I seen you last summer It wouldn’t have been my last time before this happened. I know you were happy to see me, but you just weren’t the same person. You didn’t even look like my mom. I hate so much that your life had come to this. I’m glad for this last year we’ve had contact. I just wish for 8 months of it you weren’t bed ridden. 

I wish you would have went back to the doctor after he told you about the spots on your pancreas. This might have been prevented. 

I just wish it could have all been different. I’m so sorry this was your life. The only life you got.  I wish you could have seen the beauty in just living in general. I wish you could have enjoyed life through your own eyes and not through the eyes of the medicine. I hope you can find peace and happiness on the other side if that is where you are headed right now, but I won’t give up hope that you can make it through this until your very last breath. 

I love you.

Your Daughter, 

Ashley